Somewhere in the middle is the correct time. I thought that when I finally arrived in Australia, I would stop living in two or more timezones. I was wrong. My friends and family, and in fact a part of my life, are still in one timezone, while me, my stuff and the rest of my life are in another. I thought it would be easier to not have to think and calculate the time differences.
But as it is (still) February 23 somewhere, I shall celebrate my first month in a new world -- I have officially been here one month today. And after the near-forever long wait to get to passport control, things have gone pretty smoothly. Some observations:
- Hot is hot no matter where it is. 37/98 is hot regardless of the setting. At that point, it's hot whether the humidity is 20% or 100%. My uncle is famous for responding to people who complain that "it's not the heat, it's the humidity" with the quip "it's a dry heat in the oven, but no one climbs in one to cool off." And he's right. Once the air temperature reaches normal body temperature, it's bloody hot and that's all I can say about it.
- Huntsman spiders will spin a web over ANYTHING! that does not move in the dark for five minutes. And it's a sticky, strong, nasty silk. I have given up trying to keep my porch railings clear of webs. I watched a news clip on using spider silk for bulletproof vests a couple of days before I left the US. The researchers have genetically engineered goats to produce spider silk in their milk. It would be easier to have Australian residents collect and supply the webs from their porches. On my ten-house street, I bet you could have enough silk for a vest in a week!
- Everything I had read proclaimed that Australia has more things that can kill a person per square inch of land than anywhere else in the world. What they don't tell you anywhere is that the non-lethal things are abnormally huge. Aside from the huntsman spiders and the snails, other harmless things, like moths are huge as well. It's the land of freakishly large creepy crawlies. Case in point:
- Comforter covers are evil and the person who thought they were a good idea should be publicly flogged. This lesson was learned after forty-five minutes struggling with a down comforter and a comforter cover on my (thankfully) empty dining room floor. When it has to come out for washing, it's not going back in!!!
- In a land that drinks more tea than anywhere else except Ireland, I am amazed that iced tea has escaped them. I am constantly being offered "a cuppa" but never, not even on 39/102 days, have I been offered "a glassa." Guys: brewed tea, lemon juice, and ice. Best. Hot. Weather. Drink. Ever.
- English-based cultures really are "separated by a common language." For example: Mincemeat is a sweet pie filling to me, not beef pushed through a meat grinder. Water enters the sink by means of a faucet; taps deliver beer to glasses in bars.
- Clotheslines may be bucolic and energy-efficient, but they are not as romantically charming as I was led to believe. No one ever tells you about cleaning the spider webs off before you can hang clothes, or about the hazards of birds and damp laundry, or about the wasps and bumblebees who are more curious than cats.
- Daytime tv is as mind numbingly insipid here as it is in the US -- quite possibly because it's all imported from the US. I have my choice of rerun US dramedies or US talk shows such as The View, Ellen DeGeneres, Oprah, and Dr. Phil, with the odd Filipino, Portuguese, or Greek news show (in their native tongue) thrown in.
- Prime time tv is not much better, as most is either imported US shows, imported BBC shows, or "reality" shows like The Biggest Loser, The Farmer Wants a Wife, or New Zealand's Next Top Model. Though, I can say Adam Hills in Gordon St. Tonight is well worth the time. And thank you Mr. Hills for having a real person as your on-stage side-kick/assistant, rather than a waifish, thin-as-rails, vapid, media-ideal blonde.
- When it's your own home, cleaning up the kitchen is not so much a detested chore to be put off as long as possible but a daily necessity. I have become an obsessive dishwasher and counter wiper. I have also come to understand the wisdom of making the bed every morning.
Overall it has been an interesting experience this last (or first) month in a new world. Hopefully by the end of the second month, I will have ordered a couch for the living room and a dining table and chairs for the dining room (which will definitely mean the comforter can't be re-stuffed in the cover!) and I can have people over for dinner, which I will cook on my gas stove. I know gas is the choice of professional chefs, but I don't care! I want my 70's avocado green electric stove/double oven combo back!!!!
Stay tuned for more of Lynn's adventures.
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