Office Politics

Just something silly that developed from a conversation I had with my dearest this morning:

The Office Dinner Party

The bartender and head waiter at a popular Brussels restaurant checked over the reservations for the night.  “It’s gonna be a long night,” the head waiter mused.  

Looking out the window, the bartender commiserated, “Yes, indeed, it will be a long night.  And it’s already getting started.  I think I see the early arrivals at the valet stand.” 

The evening was loud and raucous, and lingered longer than the diners originally anticipated, as these kind of office get-togethers tend to do.  It was a busy evening for the staff, who were kept hopping with 27 picky, demanding diners.  

“But the worst is yet to come,” the bartender thought as he saw the head waiter putting no so little pieces of paper in the slick vinyl portfolios to deliver to the parties. 

“This is going to be trouble.  It always is,” the head waiter thought to himself.

Germany picked up the bill, glanced at the total, and quickly calculated an equal per-person share, assuming that the bill was going to be split 17 ways.

Italy piped up first saying that he had only credit cards because he never carried cash, and everyone knew that; it ruined the line of his suit.

France then complained that they were at this place only because Belgium’s brother knows the owner and they were supposed to have gotten a discount as a result.

Belgium retorted that no one else had any better suggestions, so they defaulted to the usual place.

But the arrangements were in Germany’s name, so he can pay for the outing, announced Portugal. 

Austria muttered under her breath about Germany never allowing for dissent anyway, just look what happened the last time they all decided not to go along with Germany’s plan.

Ireland grabbed the bill, checked the items he had ordered and promptly reminded everyone that Spain had arrived hours earlier than anyone else and ran up a huge tab at the bar, which ended up on the table’s bill.

Slovakia, or maybe Slovenia -- who could tell them apart anyway? -- was complaining that Greece had ordered the most expensive things on the menu, while they had only had a salad, and there was no way that either was going to pony up for a share of the filet mignon!

Finland griped that Luxembourg had ordered expensive bottles of wine, while Luxembourg countered that everyone at the table had shared in the wine.

Malta and Cyprus argued that they had split an appetizer, so there was no way they were paying more than half a share each, while everyone else grumbled about how much vacation time those two had.

Estonia shouted that she was late, arriving just in time for dessert, after the bar was taking orders, so there is no way she is paying for anything other than the ice cream that was brought out to her.

No one bothered to count heads, so no one noticed that The Netherlands had ducked out for a smoke just before the bill arrived.

Meanwhile, a smaller table was watching the larger party.

“And that, my friends, is why we requested separate checks,” England laughed.

Sweden and Denmark nodded in agreement, while Latvia and Lithuania giggled tipsily with Poland over the word “Zloty.”

Romania, Hungary, and Bulgaria were glad they had escaped Germany’s influence and toasted the UK with raised glasses.

And the Czech Republic just wondered why everyone was talking so much about him, but then, they always did at these kinds of events.