Today would have been my Aunt LaVerne's 92nd birthday. She was a great lady with a zest for life -- from her worries about maintaining sexy ankles to catch, and keep, her a boyfriend (she was twice widowed) to her worries about how proper it was to serve pizza on paper plates for a casual luncheon on her deck.
Even when she passed away at 86, she was young. She rode 4-wheelers though muddy fields, arranged hunt breakfasts, and chased her year-old great-great niece through her house until both of them collapsed in a fit of giggles to share a special treat. She was never happier than when she was hosting an event, and was, a consummate hostess. No one ever left Aunt LaVerne's house feeling unwelcome.
One time I was at my great-grandmother's house and Aunt LaVerne was there and we got to talking about her time living in Ireland. She and her husband were hosting some American soldiers who could not get leave to go home for Christmas. She had made a complete, traditional Christmas feast; roast turkey and all the trimmings. And she served the festive meal on her set of Belleek dinnerware. She had no fear in using her good, fragile, china for a Christmas feast for big, burly American soldiers. I asked her how she stopped worrying about the delicate plates getting broken. She laughed and replied "It doesn't matter. I'd get new plates." That was her attitude towards all her things. It didn't matter if they got lost, misplaced, chipped, cracked, twisted, or broken; she'd get new ones. (As it turned out, at least one plate did get broken during that Christmas dinner, and the story of replacing it years later will have to wait for another time.)
My mother inherited that Belleek dinner service -- including the replacement pieces, and it's safely packed in a box in a storage unit. I'm both happy and sad about that. Aunt LaVerne used her good things. She never saved anything for special. I like that, the idea of making every days special. But I hate to use anything fragile I inherited from Aunt LaVerne because if it's broken, I'm afraid I'll loose one of the remaining bits of her I have. Having her things keeps her with me. But at the same time, I feel it's not respectful to her to not use them. She used them. It was just as likely to find haying breakfasts in the fields served on fine china as it was to see that same china being used for a fancy catered dinner party.
It feels somehow very disrespectful to have the teacups and saucers she carefully picked out for some purpose or function sitting in my cabinet collecting dust. Because Aunt LaVerne would have used them. I feel like I should be using them, hosting people for dinner or having bridge parties (despite the fact that I do not know how to play bridge). I feel like I should share Aunt LaVerne's non-treasures with my friends and acquaintances. I feel like I should use them because it's Tuesday.
Maybe one day I'll get over my fear of losing bits of Aunt LaVerne enough to honor her by using her things, but her birthday is not the day to do it. Tomorrow may be though. That's it dinner on the good china tomorrow. Because Aunt LaVerne would have done it.
Happy Birthday, Aunt LaVerne!
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